I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
