i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
