By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
