My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
