I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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