I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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