I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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