i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
