i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
