Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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