If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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