I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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