I think I am morally bankrupt
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize