i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found your dick twin last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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