Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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