I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize