Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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