you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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