Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
