I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
