She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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