mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
