Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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