I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
