i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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