Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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