Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
