with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
