im six kinds of drunk right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
