Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
