i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
