His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
