Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
