we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
