I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
