I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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