Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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