girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize