he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
