There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
