i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
