You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
