I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
