You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
