just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
