I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
