i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
