somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You have to summon your inner elephant
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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