Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
