wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
