i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
