She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
