it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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