Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
