Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
