I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This baby is an asshole
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
