He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
