ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
