I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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