Where is the hickey?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize