he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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