I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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