More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
