I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
