I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
