I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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