Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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