Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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