i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
