At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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