Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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