he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
