we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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