I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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